Clinging to the Past

Sitting here at my desk with a few candles burning in front of the dark window, ABBA playing, and an assignment open I’m realizing I’m really going to miss this part of my life. I sound like I’m graduating but really I’m just going on internship for a year. It does feel a bit as though I am graduating because this is the last month I will be living with my best friend and the closer I get to moving out the sadder I get.

You are probably sick of me talking about the conference I went to where Tony Robbins talk. See at the conference he asked everyone whether they live in the past, present, or future the most and had everyone say their answer at the same time. I said past confidently, thinking everyone lives mostly in the past, until most of the room said they live in the present. That hit me hard. I felt like a kid who had been tricked by adults into doing something stupid and only realizing it was stupid from their reactions.

It’s ironic too because I’ve liked this quote below for a while. I must have been really hard-headed to not realize I was internally still living most of my life in memories.

“If you are depressed you are living in the past.
If you are anxious you are living in the future.
If you are at peace you are living in the present.”

Even now, I still have a month to enjoy candles at the window. To enjoy long chats with my housemate. To enjoy having my boyfriend live 10 minutes away. To enjoy the freedom of living away from home. To enjoy my friends I get to see everyday in class.

So why am I already thinking of all of this in the past when it isn’t even finished yet?

What it means

Sometimes in life the littlest things take on way more meaning than they appear to.

For example when Tony Robbins was young his family did not have much money so when a stranger came to their door on thanksgiving with food it was amazing. But to Tony it wasn’t amazing for the food, it was amazing because someone he didn’t even know cared. When he said that one line at the conference I almost started crying. It was just so beautiful.

Sadly, it appears to be a two way street. I was just biking home tonight when I could hear that a car was about to come past. I usually get a little nervous especially at night because you never know how close they will pass to you. Well I didn’t have to worry about that with this car. Just as I was relaxing since they didn’t pass close and saw me even though it was dark, I see something white out of the corner of my eye fall. At first I wonder if something fell out of my pocket but couldn’t think of anything white. Then I realize that some complete strangers just threw a snowball at me.

I was so mad. Well I still am, it just happened. When I got home and got off my bike I checked myself over almost to see if there was still snow on me so I could justify it. And then when I realized that I was trying to justify my anger, I also realized that I was perfectly fine. And it was a beautiful starry night which I usually stare at with my head up like an idiot but instead I was too distracted being mad.

It still makes me mad that there are people who would be, in my case rude, but in other people’s cases just plain mean for no reason. At least I can hope that there are more people caring about strangers.

Really the only thing I can do about it is

1) get over it, being mad is making it worse

&       2) be the stranger to care about people

 

lets make sure there are more of those type of people in the world