Can’t sleep, too excited!!

Ever have those moments where you can’t believe this is your life. It feels like a dream because you didn’t realize you could do this or be there and especially not that it could happen so easily. I’ve been having a very unconventional Christmas this year. Partially by decision but partially not, I like to think the other half was God’s little twist.

So the party I decided to do differently was to spend Christmas eve with my boyfriend’s family. Even though I’ve been dating him for almost five years I have never downy Christmas with his family and man was I stupid. I always figured that since my family had tons of get togethers abs it was just his parents that I should go to my big crazy family get togethers and see everyone. Maybe you can see where this is going? That it was ridiculously nice to have my first relaxing Christmas ever.

To clarify, I only planned to spend Christmas eve with them. That was I would only miss my dads sides get together and then come up for my moms, only missing one get together. But then a snowstorm happened, thanks God and I’m not at all sarcastic. Because of the snow storm I got to relax at my boyfriends families house for the next two days. We made a snowman, went out to the movies, made cookies , went toboganning; all the stuff we had kept saying we should do but never getting around to. I even got to finish one of my books I got for Christmas.

Not to say I didn’t miss my family but things can be a little more stressful with my mother. She puts all this energy into fairness and doing things right and it somehow turns into complaints about everything that it’s unfair and how you are doing things wrong. A very winning combo I got a much needed break from.

My family got back the other day and so we opened presents as a family. Broke the Wii out after and got along better and had more fun than we had in a long time. The great holidays continue.

On top of all that I am ridiculously excited because me and my boyfriend just booked a last minute vacation to Niagara. For not planning new years it turned out pretty good. I cannot wait!

Stop doing this to yourself

Stop it. Stop tearing yourself apart with your own guilt trips. You are always worrying about what everyone wants from you and how they all feel and you rip yourself apart and self destruct because of it. If they want to rip you apart they will but don’t you dare do it a billion times to yourself when no one ever has ripped you apart for these five billion things you guilt trip yourself about. So you spent more time with your boyfriend than your friends last night, just a few years ago you were guilt tripping yourself for the exact opposite. I remember regretting that this boy, who would turn out to be your everything, had bought you a ticket to a dance and you had been ridiculously shy and danced with your friends for the night. Thing is if you know me at all you would know that even if i didn’t get to spend time with you I would have wanted to. I’m not so vindictive as to want to avoid anyone. I try to please people too much and just end up hurting myself. I will never be completely happy with how I split my time.

And I will never, well at least not until I find a friend who takes a lot of photos, have all the photos I planned to take of the night. So I need to accept that. I am not the type of person who wants to stop and take photos because if I’m having an absolutely amazing time why would I want to pause on that. So I need to stop hating myself the next morning when everyone else has a billion photos of them having fun and I barely have any. I need to focus on all the good memories or start finally taking pictures instead of complaining.

So instead focus on how good of a time you had last night. Focus on all the laughter, the bonding. Focus on your amazing night full of dancing even though your feet were dying because the music and company was just so good. Remember the spontaneous congo line led by the kid in a wheelchair which was amazing. Remember disappearing into that boy who is your everything on multiple dances where everything around you disappeared. Remember doing makeup together and sneakily smuggling in a bunch of vodka. Remember the crazy gone guy at your table who was hilarious and always wanted to clink glasses. Remember all of the good stuff for once after a great night instead of worrying about all the stupid little things. Because really if anyone knows you well, they know you care about them and probably didn’t think half as much about all this stuff you’re worrying about than you did.