Clinging to the Past

Sitting here at my desk with a few candles burning in front of the dark window, ABBA playing, and an assignment open I’m realizing I’m really going to miss this part of my life. I sound like I’m graduating but really I’m just going on internship for a year. It does feel a bit as though I am graduating because this is the last month I will be living with my best friend and the closer I get to moving out the sadder I get.

You are probably sick of me talking about the conference I went to where Tony Robbins talk. See at the conference he asked everyone whether they live in the past, present, or future the most and had everyone say their answer at the same time. I said past confidently, thinking everyone lives mostly in the past, until most of the room said they live in the present. That hit me hard. I felt like a kid who had been tricked by adults into doing something stupid and only realizing it was stupid from their reactions.

It’s ironic too because I’ve liked this quote below for a while. I must have been really hard-headed to not realize I was internally still living most of my life in memories.

“If you are depressed you are living in the past.
If you are anxious you are living in the future.
If you are at peace you are living in the present.”

Even now, I still have a month to enjoy candles at the window. To enjoy long chats with my housemate. To enjoy having my boyfriend live 10 minutes away. To enjoy the freedom of living away from home. To enjoy my friends I get to see everyday in class.

So why am I already thinking of all of this in the past when it isn’t even finished yet?


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