Same person,different place

I’m sure you’ve heard this story before. Title just says it all. All the way to a Caribbean island but I still feel stressed and unhappy. 

Not completely, definitely not. When I first got off the flight into the sunshine I was all smiles. But then we get here and finally get food and it’s like I’m bored as always. In this absolutely beautiful environment but it’s still me. Still me wondering if sitting watching karaoke is worth my time and if I should be doing something better. Still me being way too nervous to go up and sing even though I want to. Still me being a people pleaser and staying around my mom because I know she stresses out when she doesn’t know where we are even though i just want to explore. 

I think what is really bothering me is that although I know it’s great to spend this time with my family and get closer with them, right now I’m at a point in my life where I’m closer to my boyfriend and friends. I couldn’t help thinking as we ate dinner that I wanted to be here having a romantic dinner with my boyfriend. And when i was sitting at karaoke I wanted my best friend to be here so we could belt out a song together. I miss them. It’s the people, not the place. Cause c’mon what can you say bad about St. Lucia?

Plus, I just got a job back in my family’s area so I’ll be living there for 16 months which gives me lots of time to bond with them. Actually, to be honest I got 3 jobs! Have no clue how that happened and I can’t remember the last time I was so proud. I’ve felt a little beaten down lately with all these genius people in engineering and it felt great to see that I am still capable.

Overall I am happy, just not the kind of happy you see on travel commercials. I’m the kind of happy that when you compare to when I got my job offers, or am with my boyfriend, or am with my best friend just doesn’t compare. I am a little lonely but very grateful, very in awe of the beauty and more than a little happy mixed in there too.


One thought on “Same person,different place

  1. I get a feeling of deep satisfaction from this post. You’re not unhappy, but you’re not ecstatic either… seems like you’re still waiting for that thing to set your soul on fire like the rest of us. And that’s okay. I think ecstasy in this life is a work in progress and sometimes family aren’t that best people to be around to find that.

    I respect your honesty and vulnerability. Don’t beat yourself up too much.

    — Blessings


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