Stop doing this to yourself

Stop it. Stop tearing yourself apart with your own guilt trips. You are always worrying about what everyone wants from you and how they all feel and you rip yourself apart and self destruct because of it. If they want to rip you apart they will but don’t you dare do it a billion times to yourself when no one ever has ripped you apart for these five billion things you guilt trip yourself about. So you spent more time with your boyfriend than your friends last night, just a few years ago you were guilt tripping yourself for the exact opposite. I remember regretting that this boy, who would turn out to be your everything, had bought you a ticket to a dance and you had been ridiculously shy and danced with your friends for the night. Thing is if you know me at all you would know that even if i didn’t get to spend time with you I would have wanted to. I’m not so vindictive as to want to avoid anyone. I try to please people too much and just end up hurting myself. I will never be completely happy with how I split my time.

And I will never, well at least not until I find a friend who takes a lot of photos, have all the photos I planned to take of the night. So I need to accept that. I am not the type of person who wants to stop and take photos because if I’m having an absolutely amazing time why would I want to pause on that. So I need to stop hating myself the next morning when everyone else has a billion photos of them having fun and I barely have any. I need to focus on all the good memories or start finally taking pictures instead of complaining.

So instead focus on how good of a time you had last night. Focus on all the laughter, the bonding. Focus on your amazing night full of dancing even though your feet were dying because the music and company was just so good. Remember the spontaneous congo line led by the kid in a wheelchair which was amazing. Remember disappearing into that boy who is your everything on multiple dances where everything around you disappeared. Remember doing makeup together and sneakily smuggling in a bunch of vodka. Remember the crazy gone guy at your table who was hilarious and always wanted to clink glasses. Remember all of the good stuff for once after a great night instead of worrying about all the stupid little things. Because really if anyone knows you well, they know you care about them and probably didn’t think half as much about all this stuff you’re worrying about than you did.

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