busy

I like to join a bunch of clubs and teams and pretty much just keep myself really busy. Like right now, on top of the workload from going to university for mechanical engineering, I tutor a high school student in math, I am part of a choir and I volunteer at a hospital making crafts with kids. Plus making time to spend with my boyfriend. But really it doesn’t usually go like that, I usually make time for my homework and somehow have lots of time for my boyfriend.

See I’ve always done this. In both elementary school and high school I was part of way too many clubs and teams but I always justified it by saying how before I joined all those clubs I would just waste that time watching tv and playing on my phone. Up until university that was true because I genuinely did make time for school and was productive with my time. Right now I’m somehow part of a bunch of clubs and wasting time… which means I am not at all doing enough homework or spending enough time on school.

Maybe I’m just realizing it now because my grades are finally starting to show that, whereas last year I was somehow cruising by just fine. I need to stop justifying how little I do for school by just listing off all the activities I’m part of and thinking that justifies it. I was so busy I couldn’t do it, y’know? Thing is I don’t want to cut back on all the things I am involved with, I want to relearn how to be productive again.

That’s a word that hurts, relearn. I feel like I need to do a lot of that lately. I feel like I’m in a life slump. I’m not as productive as I used to be, I’m not as confident as I used to be, etc., etc. I guess you don’t just go forward in life, sometimes you have to relearn no matter how much it hurts.

Anyways, I have to go to class. Just wasted another two hour break that I yet again told myself I would be productive with. I need to do better. I will do better.

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